If I had to describe how I used to live in just one word, it would be “exhaustion”. I had been exhausted nearly all my life. I never felt good enough, and I always tried to fill that gap by overdoing and overgiving. I believed that I only had worth if I helped others feel better.

As a young mother of three little kids, I was obsessed with keeping the house clean and taking care of them, always worrying about their future, such as their education and socializing with other kids. I continuously feared, “What if I did something wrong?” Anxiety ran my life to the extent that I had trouble falling asleep and kept waking up during the night.

Getting up in the morning was a struggle, and as soon as I woke up, I just wanted the day to be over. I felt drained and alone.

I suffered from severe migraines with blurred vision and excruciating stomach aches. My hair was really falling out, and I had an extreme amount of dandruff. My body ached from head to toe, and eventually, it broke down with a chronic disease called rosacea.

I started feeling like a real burden, and I believed my kids, husband, and the whole world would be better off without me. Suicidal thoughts crept into my mind daily. I constantly felt heavy, frustrated, and helpless. I felt an enormous amount of shame about how I looked – my whole face covered in huge red spots. My skin was painful, itchy, and burning. But I held onto one strong belief, ever since I was a child, that we have the ability to heal ourselves. So I gathered all my strength and began delving deep inside myself. Though I doubted myself many times along the way, I didn’t use any pharmaceutical creams or medical treatments. I tried diets, fasting, acupuncture, herbs, even a device with healing frequencies, but none made any difference to my physical and mental health.

I started meditating and delving into books from which I gained knowledge to support my spiritual growth. In 2021 I began having weekly sessions with my first angel coach, Georgie Holbrook, whose empathy, and wisdom supported me immensely. When I felt it was time for new experiences, I participated in Dr. Joe Dispenza’s Week-Long Advanced Retreat in London, which brought about various inner openings. I enrolled in many online courses led by Marci Shimoff, Anita Moorjani, Mei-lan Maurits, Lisa Nichols, Shelly Lefkoe, Brothers Koren, to name just a few.

I began living more in harmony with myself and others, but it was in 2023 when I fully immersed myself in a year-long program called Live Awake, created by Dr. Sue Morter, where I finally started embracing instead of resisting. I finally started… breathing and gradually experiencing the abundance of life. The abundance that I am, and that we all are. I became so passionate about the Energy Codes work that within the same year, I certified as an EC Facilitator, EC Coach, and graduated as an EC Remote Healer.

Currently I am more vital and inspired to create than ever before. I get up at early in the morning, before the kids wake up, filled with gratitude to start my day. I love bathing myself in the vibration of joy, gratitude, and love. I laugh and smile more, and keep meeting lovely people in my world. I stopped drowning in frustration. I started trusting and swimming with the flow of life, whatever situations it brings me. The practices of Energy Codes opened up my system, activating a more potent flow of the Universe through me. The infusion and embodiment of the Loving Presence in this work are indescribable. And what excites me is that there is always more! The Universe is a never-ending stream of supply of anything we could dream of if we let It do so!

Today I can say that I no longer run away from myself. What’s even more, I am able to fill my mind with love. I lean into it whenever it experiences anger, sadness, self-criticism, fear, or anything else. I warmly welcome all energies within myself. I love my mind back into wholeness, into ME, as I know it is where it belongs and where it is truly happy. Sometimes it takes just minutes, sometimes hours, sometimes days until the mind is integrated. But there is always freedom on the flip side.

Gradually,  my body began to heal, and my relationships started to change. It’s been a winding road over the past couple of years, where I’ve been discovering myself layer after layer. The rosacea, which I cursed for so long, has been one of my greatest teachers. It led me to parts of myself I didn’t even know existed. Instead of rejecting and judging myself, I started embracing all aspects of who I am with love and acceptance.

Marianna Saida